Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
