My room smells like vodka and shame
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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