how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
