Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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