I am puke
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
