Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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