Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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