I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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