are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
