I'm really into asian looking animals
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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