I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
