woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
