On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
