So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
