i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
