When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
