i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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