she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
