found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
