Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
