i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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