I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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