I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
