so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
