Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
