you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
they're like a gay fantastic four
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
