I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize