you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
