Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
