i will never coherently bang her
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
