there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Randomize