Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
