I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
