when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
organizing the empties. That sober.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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