she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
