if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
