Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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