I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
