i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
