She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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