U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
