I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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