Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
