Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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