i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
