We're facebook friends in real life
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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