i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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