Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i will never coherently bang her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
