And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
