Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
