I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize