He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
