Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
