it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he thought i was a dude.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
