I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
