Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
