Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
