There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
