Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
