So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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