There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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