So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
