i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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