A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
