So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
