You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
