I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
