I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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