Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This house was built for laser tag.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
