she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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