That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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