I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize