I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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