1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
