Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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