Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
