chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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